I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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