Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
