You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
