if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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