Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
two words: eviction party
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
