im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
