hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
