Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
