Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
