My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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