i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
