I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've changed since you got that strap on
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
