period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
