Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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