if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
