this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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