i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
