im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
