did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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