also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I understand Curling. That high.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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