I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
