I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
