If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
