Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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