i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
