I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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