My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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