just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
