Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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