Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
