The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
