I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I came so hard my ears popped.
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