Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
