Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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