plz talk dirty to me
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
