Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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