Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
