We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
