I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
