does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
