I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
