The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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