We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
