Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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