I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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