he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
