...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
