yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
