It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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