He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
