Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
