its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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