you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
