dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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