he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
