dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
