Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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